Coverage of Rush Week 2002
August 20, 12:35 pm
Stay tuned all this week as asstastic brings you continuing coverage of Rush Week 2002 at the University of Iowa! We'll provide in-depth analysis of dress-up days, honking Jeep Wranglers, and the length of the line outside of One Eyed Jake's. And we won't stop there -- find out who's wearing the scandalously low cut and who's just plain not making the cut, all this week on asstastic.org!
Spaghetti Strap Tuesday
August 20, 9:20 pm
Over the noon hour, I hit the streets of Iowa City in the search of the city's future fraternity and sorority glitterati. Today was "Allow Your Parents to Pay for an Overpriced Lunch at The Summit Day," as legions of frat and sorority hopefuls swarmed all over the shaded patio, looking cool and apparently not noticing -- or doing a good job of ignoring -- that awful stench coming from the Baldy's/Big Mike's/Jake's vicinity. Today's theme appeared to be the black spaghetti-strap tube top, a choice that allows a great deal of flexibility for sorority hopefuls: the conservative color choice provides a titillating contrast to the sorority hopefuls' skintight credentials. Needless to say, more than a few young ladies were over-qualified for the position in the eyes of this reporter.
It appears that today's parent/rusher luncheon marked the end of the parent presence for Rush Week 2002. The noonday lunch and mid-afternoon return to Chicagoland by the parents ensures that Tuesday night will find this year's rushers at some of the more...colorful...bars like the Sports Column and perhaps even the Q Bar, if they are feeling dirty enough. But today's activities should pale in comparison to tomorrow's rumored sun dress theme. Iowa City waits with baited breath.
Check out oculon.org for extended coverage of Rush Week 2002, including a photo essay on the recruitment tactics of the infamous Acacia fraternity.
Wednesday: Plenty of Sun, No Dress
August 21, 6:00 pm
Tonight's report brings with it the troubling revelation that today was not sundress Wednesday as was so rampantly speculated among those in the Content Webring™ familiar with the practice. A mere two sundresses were reported this afternoon, and neither dress adorned the painstakingly sculpted curves of a sorority house hopeful. Nay, not one member of the two prides of rushers seen over the noon hour dared stray from yesterday's black spaghetti strap camisole theme. In the numerous interviews conducted by our staff over the lunch hour, it was apparent that the watchword for Wednesday was "disappointment." Not even the maniacal Add Sheet guy on the corner by Lorenz Boot could lift this reporter's spirits. I begrudgingly accepted the free ad booklet and in a fit of rage over my lot, threw it into the oncoming traffic, yelling a fantastic pun about gaining redress for today's slight.
Want to know what's happening this week with the bike-seat-stealing thugs at ACACIA? Check out oculon.org's continuing multimedia-rich coverage of RushWatch 2002!
Thursday: Letter to the Editor
August 22, 8:00 am
Today's letter comes to us from a non-rusher who lives across the street from the Sigma Nu and Sigma Chi houses on Dubuque St. Her bird's-eye view of the comings and goings of Rush Week 2002 allows her this remarkable insight:
i just read all of the bs on your website about rush week. and then i
thought it was funny that i was telling you about the sigma nu boys earlier
this evening. needless to say, the sigma chis are not to be misrepresented
as there was an entire enrique eglasias cd played at maximum volume, with
the speakers pointing out over the iowa river. those guys are too smart for
their own good.
Undercover Report for Friday!
August 23, 8:10 am
Another letter to the editor from our source on the inside. Several death threats against our source have been Fwd: to me from rushers, but we will guard the identity of our mysterious correspondent with our lives! Today's submission:
as has been mentioned before, i live across the find more mystery chronicles murder among friends
street from the dog skin supplement
fraternity, and up from the sigma chi fraternity and i cant seem to recall
the names of the other three that are within a two block radius of my
residence. i live so close to the sigma nu house that a simple turn of the
head from the television will result in many shirtless men with dark roots
and blonde ends. quite a scenery change from dennis franz.
before taking a shower this afternoon after work, i pulled my blinds so that
the air from the open window could flow freely throughout my spacious
apartment and yet still keep voyeurs from peeping into my second story
windows. but, i was sorely mistaken. as i left from my bathroom, making
the 10 (okay, maybe 15) foot walk through my apartment to my closet, i was
verbally harassed by pledges young and old from across the street at the
sigma nu house. things such as "TAKE IT OFF!", and "WOO HOO!" were hollered
in my direction as i realised that those boys COULD, after all, see through
the six inch gap at the bottom of my windows. apparently my purple beach
towel was just a little too revealing for their taste. they just couldnt
contain themselves. poor boys.
however, i was ever so impressed by their terribly original comments and can
only hope that they will remember to check back as i change into my pajamas
Saturday: Toning it Down
Inside sources with whom I'm familiar informed me that indeed Friday was sundress day, as it was the day pledges found out if they would be rewarded for all their Rush Week sacrifices. As is the nature of this highly competitive game, many young men and women ended up dressing up for disappointment. Unfortunately, I had a lunch date with the UI Psychology Library and was unable to attend to my duty as the Lunchtime Leerer. The final submission from Rush Week 2002 from our correspondent on the inside follows:
today has turned out to be a relatively tame day for my sigma nu boys.
although i was away most of the afternoon, it appeared that there were no
more pledges coming to "learn more" about the fraternity. however, around 8
pm all of the residents of the house (dressed in matching grey tee-shirts)
lined up on the stairs outside of the house, clapping and whooping and
yelling some things such as "LET'S GO TO THE SPORTS COLUMN!" and "VITO'S!".
they all then promptly walked to their cars and drove away. intelligence
does not become you, young sigmas.
however, there were a few boys who stayed behind in order to set up the tiki
torches that now line the aforementioned stairs. they remain unlit.
around 9 pm, all current members returned and lined up outside, once again,
only to be greeted by opening doors and the musical stylings of the beastie
boys (it was "sabotage" if you must know). they never really seemed to stop
clapping and whooping.