asstastic.org turns 1!
July 20, 2001 -- July 20, 2002

click here to resturn to asstastic.org proper


The idea for a continually updated listing of sarcastic comments was born on the morning of August 24th, 2001, in the basement of the University of Iowa's Lindquist Center, South. Toiling incessantly in the back room of the ITS Help Desk, young Mattbot suddenly, and, he thought, irreversably found himself bathed in complete darkness. A power outage! He groped his way to the front room of the Help Desk, where at least the emergency lights from the hallway illuminated a portion of the basement. At this point, our webmaster became witness to one of the finest displays of disgruntled office worker sarcasm known to modern man. As his mind scrambled to memorize every barb (there was no notepad.exe to open due to the lack of power), Mattbot began to simultaneously opine aloud for a way to preserve these sarcastic gold mines forever, so that anyone, anywhere, anytime could access them. A friendly co-worker overheard him and suggested an application called Adobe Acrobat 5 that could record these sarcastic comments as PDFs (Permanent Document Format) for all generations to see. The rest, as they say, is internet history. Power restored, Mattbot set to work.

Flowchart documenting asstastic.org's growth over the past year
Sarcastic Mattbot's Super Sarcastic Website 5000
July 20, 2001
The Arrows of Time
asstastic.org
July 20, 2002

Sarcastic wiener. It's a mystery case files prime suspects download phrase that has been present in pet dietary supplements the Help Desk lexicon for a full year now, but does anyone really know what it truly signifies? We caught up with asstastic.org webmaster Matt Raw in the hopes that he could help us shed some light on the matter. "Well, 'sarcastic wiener' has come to mean a lot of things over the past year," Mattbot began, "but I really think that it's a state of mind more than anything. And what I mean by that is this: sure, there are the amazing individual sarcasms all the time, but what really makes the concept of 'sarcastic wiener' unique are the streaks put together by some of my associates. I mean, what about the amazing run Gary Masbruch had on October 5? He was in 'the zone.' Or Scott Iverson's consistency over the last year? He's the Steve Nash of the wiener world -- what he lacks in size, he more than makes up for in hustle and stick-to-it-iveness. And who can forget when Josh Berger burst on the scene September 17th and 18th, taking the sarcastic world by storm? Those moments are more valuable to me than a Bo Jackson rookie card."

mattbot 5000

Elusive webmaster Matt Raw, captured here in a grainy papparazzi photo

Due to an unexpected contribution from a wealthy domain name benefactor, January 2002 saw the expansion of Sarcastic Mattbot's Super Sarcastic Website 5000 into a umbrella content conglomerate known as asstastic.org. While retaining the fundamental tenets of the Sarcastic Mission Statement, Mattbot began to add to the website anything that he thought would be interesting. Largely the expansion was a product of his boredom with his Washington, DC roommates and the frequent availability of a company laptop for personal use. Slowly and not too surely asstastic.org has blossomed into the website you see before you today.

Major assets included in asstastic.org's Global Assets segment are Elektro, an electric utility in Brazil; Dabhol, a power plant in India; TGS, a natural gas pipeline in Argentina; Azurix; and the Asstastic Wind operations. For the third quarter of 2001, IBIT for the segment remained unchanged at $19 million as compared to last year.

Last week, Enron announced a definitive agreement to sell Portland General to Northwest Natural Gas for approximately $1.9 billion and the assumption of approximately $1.1 billion in Portland General debt. The proposed transaction, which is subject to customary regulatory approvals, is expected to close by late 2002.

Reclusive content maven Mattbot 5000 can be found these days listening to Steely Dan while working on his laptop in his beachfront home in Palo, IA.